Mood Surgery

2010-12-17T23:15:00.003-04:00

I mean by this that I am now feeling that I've exhausted my own potential in attempting to create unique parts that nonetheless individually both create and amend an homogeneous whole. That "whole" is still compelling, but it is an illusion. I'd thought it necessary.Maybe it is. All systems require dialogue, and I am alone here. I am expressing myself poorly because I'm talking to myself.I'm

2010-12-08T01:22:00.003-04:00

2010-11-25T22:47:00.002-04:00

There is a certain stage of crystalline cynical frustration at which I function best. When I'm happy I get lazy; when I'm anxious and depressed, I am, in a consequentialistic sense, also lazy. Beauty lies in the eye, it might have once been said. Beauty lies to the eye.It's actually not so hard for me to fathom that you've done this to me. Our friendship was always a high-stakes game and I guess

2010-10-15T00:40:00.002-03:00

ArchesThis is for the recordSince household nameDid not knowMonet to shameTried to tip the cup in my eyes (with my hands)A cynic or a liar or me to blameNot to recount a bad blessingStupidest thing I've ever saidWorked for meYou checkered my headDid not knowAnd since you came undeadNow I can arm myself against crisisAnd bed

2010-09-04T17:10:00.002-03:00

I wonder if my love, my desire, my infatuations, predilections, sexual appetites, napkins, abstentions, words I use and don't use, Lifestyle Choices, pining, keening, caterwauling seeming necessities have taken on the aspect of the victim who begins to desire victimization; rape, alonenesssssssss, hiss, shh, goodbye, hello, let me fuck and never know you, let me never begin to know or seed within

2010-08-30T17:50:00.002-03:00

I think I now understand the desire to fuck a dead saint.I saw you exactly three weeks after you'd died. I didn't tell a soul. I see fragments of you often now: a portion of a smile; one tweaked eyebrow on a face otherwise apportioned to another character. The crease of an elbow. But this was you, in every way I'd foreseen. You came and said with only a glance that for me you must remain a

2010-07-17T13:59:00.002-03:00

I feel like my body is melting away, sitting next to the fan in this heat, waxen drips pouring off sideways, until I become nothing.

2010-07-15T02:51:00.001-03:00

WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND THEN DIE?

2010-03-26T23:23:00.002-03:00

So I call you to create a stopgap, and am surprised to find that you're crying. You start doing dishes noisily on the other end to mask the sound of your hurt. I'd forgotten that you cry, or that you can cry, even though you once did on my shoulder when you learned how I let you break my heart.I will always turn "you" into "me." And then I will destroy the mutant synthesis. This is the romantic

2009-07-19T02:31:00.002-03:00

I deamt last night first that I was around a table at the camp my grandfather built, with two bohemian women seeming to vie for my attention. I can never tell, even in dreams. Something like a poker game began, and seating became strange as I got shuffled farther and farther away from both women--in dream-terms this seemed like some intentional thing on their part--until they weren't there

2009-04-23T01:28:00.002-03:00

It is impossible to live a life free from the emotional consequences of sex, even if you are having none. I want to change this. I need to learn how insidiousness works. Put my guts on the table and examine the worms. Redirect the Freud and release them into the water supply. No one should ever have to feel this way. I will turn my bad into your good, somehow. I am so tired of this subtle terror;

2009-03-06T18:03:00.002-04:00

I dreamt about Java last night. First dream I can remember having of her since summer, when I moved to a big city in another part of the world and stopped for a day in my hometown between equidistant far-flung theres and heres to dig a hole, wrap her lukewarm body in her favourite blanket, and place her gently in the ground--just so--beneath the ancient eidetic vines of my grandmother's

2008-10-17T00:15:00.002-03:00

I should have taken more drugs when the time befitted me. And only that I'd taken fewer as time besought me. I should not be alone in this, to conjecture, but there exists, again in this, no common ground, and there is never another. Only others. This life and your life, these are not lives. The non-irony is excruciating. I know you feel it too, at some depth. Love is an ideal of the past. At

2008-10-12T02:25:00.002-03:00

I have, I think, an emotional sickness. I believe strongly in feeling, in allowing oneself to feel. It is a bourgeois desire, and I don't know whence it came. I grew up in a trailer and a cabin and a shed. I hope you will not confuse me with some other things, but it will be natural of you to do so.I also believe in a certain type of Stoicism, wherein what one feels is never burdensome of others.

2008-08-24T02:13:00.002-03:00

So yeah, I live in Montreal now, hey? Dunno if I mentioned that.I felt lonely and romantic and wistful tonight so I found a bike path that follows the train tracks (I'm on the wrong side, which is the right side) and ran that fucker till it ended. Taking careful stock of every mangled portal and potential portage through the fence 'cause ya know I'm in love with the downtown girls, and that is

2008-08-04T05:46:00.002-03:00

If I sit still for even just a moment the flies begin to bite. The maggots begin to crawl. The passive aggression of life.If I move just a little. Even just a little.Maybe it's just a law of the universe that one thing cannot move free of opposition to another somehow. There is no escape.

2008-07-22T03:13:00.003-03:00

An invisible hook let down from the ceiling and kept the boat. If weighed any more heavily you would become how opportunity and burden are synonymous in my mind. I feel bad for you in that way.The air was something like that. You'd eat the gristle off the cyst on the side of my forehead, but you wouldn't share.

2008-06-29T20:43:00.002-03:00

The tag said "Bless 99." I put that on my list.Today I can take it slow. Shorten my stride, do some laundry, sit on the step with a beer watching people go by (although I try to make time for that every day, it does not always have this tenor), take a little break from the broken narrative and make some boring sense. Use fewer contractions. Y'know? You know.I walked by a mirror laid up against a

2008-06-23T02:05:00.003-03:00

I see how you borrow your metaphors and turn them into life.I don't know if your pushing away is like mine. I hope it is not. I hope we do not have the same misintentions. Missed intentions. Maybe we are the same end of the magnet. That makes me sad. Pushing in the hope that when the muscles finally give out they just float toward you, illusory, now knowing nowhere else to go and of course

2008-06-15T12:04:00.003-03:00

And when I'm sadI slideLet's think about this for a moment. Ponder its meaning.Yeah I dunno. I remember once telling you, sister, that I thought it was redemptive, but now I'm not so sure.

2008-06-08T04:43:00.001-03:00

Fuck life, fuck the world and fuck you.

2008-05-17T10:46:00.002-03:00

A lawyer. She is mostly metaphorical. I am not her school of litigation. A button.Faint light beyond the horizon. Welling up, welling up. Never yet an explosion. Who knows where it all goes?I tried to open the barrel with everything. Half-open, I could not get it closed. Half-closed now.

2008-04-16T11:47:00.002-03:00

For some reason I always get a boner when I travel.I feel gelatinous. Lacking form. Malformed? No, just potential.You're there on the wing, through the snot-steam in the window, pristine. Hours pass and I glare at you as I never should. I'm there too so it's OK maybe. A shower of sparks and the world below. I'm really just passing the time. So yeah, you're there on the wing--no, sorry, on the

2008-03-22T09:11:00.002-03:00

I was a bloggerI had a facebookI was so heavy man I sat in a chair

2008-03-09T09:06:00.002-03:00

I often wish I had someone to talk to. Then I stop thinking about the subjunctive tense.That's a joke.

2008-02-05T10:03:00.000-04:00

The machine will tell me, "You need to run."I will tell the machine, "You need to get a life."

2007-12-04T04:35:00.000-04:00

I saw the light.I closed my eyes.

2007-11-26T07:45:00.000-04:00

It is an act of pure desperation, this hoarding of collapsed emotion, this clinging to things; opinions to which I am no longer entitled, patterned responses dumb to their origins and blind to their outcome. They can no more tell me than I can them. I am looking at the moon. Tell me, Mr. Moon, what is my place in all this? The moon is unfull and hovers there like a retarded, malformed blob. There

2007-11-08T04:26:00.000-04:00

Picture a brain. The whole pan.All those little intestinal lobes, all those gelatinous snakes intertwined. Don't fucking read this if you aren't getting this picture. A brain writhes, slides like slime up against itself an hundred times over and again. A pattern exists, but it is too intricate to understand. Too busy. Too sexual. This is the cortex of reason. See the ball of snakes, stuck in a

2007-11-06T03:38:00.000-04:00

I hadn't even considered that I might be sad until you asked. Somehow it was a shock.I guess maybe I'm sad. How do I make it go away?Is this what depression is? Have I just always been depressed?

2007-10-30T06:30:00.000-03:00

Your neckBent back that wayIt's a complicated way to feelAt the risk of remembering it mostI jerk off to poetrySentimentally, of course.

2007-10-27T02:11:00.000-03:00

I fucked a girl. I loved a girl. I left a girl alone.Most often I've meant one and done another, or sometimes two resulting in an exclusive third. I wonder if there are correct dosages of these things.My first kiss. My only broken bone. My derelict interior. Things add up in threes. Perhaps I am a cube. Cross-crosshatched into a delirium my insides are an ancient architecture. Witnessing is the

2007-10-23T12:08:00.000-03:00

I woke up with tears for a bygone era in my eyes. It was the last of my moisture and I crumbled like a dessicated spleen. Now, in bits upon the floor, I try to gather my thoughts, but their dissemination has become literal and they are no longer my own. That is to say that I am no longer capable of being occupied by them, for I have crumbled and am now just a bunch of shit on the floor, and all

2007-10-04T10:27:00.000-03:00

My stomach and my brain are curling up into knuckles. The thing about knuckles and fists is that they are taut, succinct, both sharp and blunt, but always effective if swung properly.My stomach and brain are flailing wildly. I don't know how to remove myself from this internal tantrum. It's tearing me apart.

2007-10-01T08:39:00.000-03:00

I woke up with it written on the back of my hand. Desperate, loathsome scrawl. I felt like I needed to puke, like I'd been kicked repeatedly in the balls, like my eyes were sacs of pus, like my hands were moist steakmittens. It was difficult to make out.It was carved there in meat and bone and weeping tissue, but through that gore I understood again. A desperate, loathsome screed. I took my dick

2007-07-03T11:38:00.000-03:00

I build a mental cunt to live in. Did I mention that I have no teeth? I crawl back and keep them and place them like jewels around the entrance. Errata dentata. My home, the cunt, the imaginatriarch, the dead, the worshipped. The trap. I curl up and writhe. I dehydrate into a worm, multiply by violence, and infest. I am no longer safe from myself; I still think teeth.

2007-07-03T02:07:00.000-03:00

Now I'm God. This isn't a delusion. When I speak I breathe the WORLD into being. When I die, the universe dies with me. I must speak and breathe with care. Learn to listen.When I speak (create, extrude) I am God. When I listen (learn, allow intrusion) I am transcendent and breathe billowing reflections of a world that needs no me. This is progress, but it's all empty now. Learn to listen. The

2007-06-26T04:54:00.000-03:00

We tried to eat but food had become a bad metaphor. We ate each other instead. I built a house from her bones. Alee.

2007-06-21T11:53:00.000-03:00

Today I dreamt that all my friends were trying to slit my throat with a straight razor. Vicious, unfeeling. Because I was in love. Faceless and fleeting. I snatched the blade away and hid it in a giant bag of ketchup. Fat nurses tried to sedate me. I escaped and ran forever across a tide of galloping horses. Fear and horses are the latticework, the only things, perpendicular, forever.We kissed

2007-06-17T08:28:00.000-03:00

I am all walks of life.I am all forms of treachery and deceit.I am a watering mouth, through which I breathe myself into being.I am an oil barrel full of lightbulbs.* Strong housing for broken things.*Contents may unsettle on delivery.I am macaroni and cheese, or an ovarian cyst. Take your pick.

2007-06-16T14:19:00.000-03:00

By the time we reached the border most of our teeth had fallen out. Dolphins and monkeys were flying out of my eyes. The great mammalian escape. My reptile-brain didn't laugh in that way that snakes don't laugh.She kept walking and I was bait. She kept walking and I had no teeth to plead. Hey! Plonghgo, please flongo!Don't go. But you need to. And I've got monkeys flying out my damn eyes.I'll

2007-06-14T08:54:00.000-03:00

Day one (1):Pamplona put her head to the worn pillow and tried to sleep. The streets outside were quiet, as if all had been laid to rest. Nothing raced but her heart in her ears. The room was arid, despite the day's rain, and her clothes dried and clung in knots about her. Everyone was dead.Day 2 (two):The thing was too heavy to carry or drag, so I tried to eat it right there and got sick. With a

2007-03-27T07:11:00.000-03:00

PS- Fuck you, you fucking flakes.

2007-03-24T07:46:00.000-03:00

Oh yeah, here's some shitty acoustic shit I did with the 4-track.I'm thinking fuck Blogger. Give me an alley closer to home.I'll come running to you, hey baby if you want me.That is a solicitation.The beginning.

2007-03-20T03:35:00.000-03:00

When you are incapable of decision, is it better to opt for nothing at all? What if you truly, heartbreakingly love every option?I suspect I'll get the nothing.Two feet and a fucking heartbeat. If I'm lucky.But I don't believe in luck. I think my suspicion system more closely resembles something like unrelenting negative karma. It's a thought-flaw I can't get around.I cannot conceive of a

2007-02-10T09:19:00.000-04:00

I'm making a new rule.

2007-02-03T05:19:00.000-04:00

It's annoying that I only ever seem to crave human interaction when the rest of the universe is asleep. But when the world is awake I want nothing to do with it. I guess I can't handle that pace. I think some part of me can't help seeing it as a sham. That seems to go away at night. Maybe I'm a 14-year-old goth chick.Maybe the Cramps playing for mental patients will make it all better.Fuck, I am

2007-01-31T14:02:00.000-04:00

What a delightful misunderstanding.

2007-01-30T10:19:00.000-04:00

Il faut suffrir.

2007-01-28T12:45:00.000-04:00

Hi. Yeah. No, I know. It's just that... okay, I'll wait.Ah fuck hey are you there? Sorry. These things are aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaChrisertxfghdfi. They're in my ears. How did I let this happen to me? Anyzguefrggg, I',;'[,.<<<<< just wanted to tell you that geeeeeeeeryhn I lllllllllllllllll dhfuytrsuytSPLAT.

2007-01-28T00:02:00.000-04:00

Glass half-empty? Just fill it up again.

2007-01-26T10:04:00.000-04:00

Christiana.There, dammit. I spent the better part of work last night trying to remember her name. I don't want to be the kind of person who doesn't remember these things. Whatever that means.I don't know why she popped into my head all of a sudden like that, but I sort of regret not having exchanged at least email addreses with her now. At the time my rationale was that I'd never get around to

2007-01-22T11:06:00.000-04:00

I've just been offered a full-time, salaried position at another store. I wouldn't be "the boss" in title, but I would in execution. I don't know what to think. It's... well, flattering is the wrong word, but it is exciting to the small part of my brain that craves validation in the form of functional adulthood. Or robotic drudgery. Something like that.This would rule out ever going back to

2007-01-16T04:32:00.000-04:00

Now I have a big fucking box to tell me what to do.

2007-01-12T07:33:00.000-04:00

"Say, what'd you cook this in?"Olive oil and anger."Huh. S'pretty good."

2007-01-07T10:18:00.000-04:00

Everything about the world is falling apart. Look, a piece of my arm just fell off (the part that would have had a tattoo) and my eyeballs are melting away. I'm growing sexual organs that don't exist.

2007-01-06T08:41:00.000-04:00

One of the guys in my crew was describing a recent acquaintance last night."Oh, he was cool and really smart, but he's a teacher, right?--and he kind of always talks like that, so you feel like you have to watch what you're saying around him because you might say something dumb. Kind of like..."At this point all eyes turn to fix on me."...like with Eben!"Again: what? I'm pretty sure all evidence

2006-12-30T07:18:00.000-04:00

Hi Donna & Eben,We're sending this card to your home for Eben also because we're not sure what his address is at this point. We do hope that Eben is happy. Kim asks quite often if we have heard anything. It would be great if he kept in touch with Kim at least. They are brother and sister and it would do our heart good to know they have each other especially when we're all gone. Please let us know

2006-12-29T16:50:00.000-04:00

Nothing a ridiculous stack of records and a big fucking new guitar won't fix!Man, after nine days with a rental car it is gonna be the first step in the devolution of my mind reverting to bipedal locomotion.

2006-12-27T22:13:00.000-04:00

She licked my teeth when we kissed. I guess I should have known right there. Fuck though. Love is in such poor taste, but I think that's what it was for a minute. On my end, I mean. I'm not sure because I think that was the first time. I'm not sure because I have a hard time differentiating feelings a lot of the time. I'm not sure because I don't believe in being sure. Maybe it was heartburn. My

2006-12-02T22:34:00.000-04:00

My Grammy, Helena Margaret Hicks (nee Kelly) died yesterday morning, five days short of her ninetey-third birthday. She was a lilting, obstinate and very independently old-world woman. She had a razor-sharp wit even in losing her wits. Even after losing all sense of her surroundings she would recite long tracts of poetry from her childhood and snarl incisively at the doctors. She taught me the

2006-11-22T23:48:00.000-04:00

"Be Bad are disgusting. Nobody wants to see naked dudes bleed and puke and shit themselves. They're just nerds trying to over-compensate by turning their amps up so loud that it hurts everyone who goes to see them. I don't get it and I don't want to. I don't understand how they got so popular. But great article on the Gamma Rays! That band is going places." -Evan

2006-11-18T18:16:00.000-04:00

After this, and then this, well, I think Skull Kontrol said it best: What this town needs is a new rock critic.

2006-11-15T00:14:00.000-04:00

I just sliced the fuck out of my finger because it's piss-pouring out and I had to take off my glasses to see what I was doing and I put the duct tape down on the window sill while I tried to hold the garbage bag over my broken window with my foot and when I picked the roll of tape back up to tear off another strip there was a huge chunk of broken glass stuck to it that I didn't notice until I

2006-10-16T10:05:00.000-03:00

I was at some awards show with a topless woman, and Patrick Swayze was sitting a row back across the aisle. He wanted to sell me "Hong Kong broccoli." Patrick Swayze had an entire banana box full of Hong Kong broccoli on his lap, and he kept "psst"-ing and jiggling it at me with this imbecilic "Eh? Eh?" sorta grin, obviously, pathetically trying to dissuade me from my comely companion. I was like

2006-10-05T09:38:00.000-03:00

Here is a band which, if such a thing were possible, might restore our appetite for the fundamental realities. The predominant note will seem one of bitterness, and bitterness there is, to the full. But there is also a wild extravagance, a mad gaiety, a verve, a gusto, at times almost a delerium. A continual oscillation between extremes, with bare stretches that taste like brass and leave the

2006-09-26T07:52:00.000-03:00

The real fear is the fear of what caused the apparition. And that fear remains.Kafka wrote that.

2006-08-20T04:50:00.000-03:00

This kid woke up one day and he was old and his grandmother was trying to beat up his dog with a broom.Are we all just nightmares? Is that what life really is?

2006-07-17T06:50:00.000-03:00

OK, as of my birthday. I still don't know if this is a good idea, but I need to figure out how my life would work were I to remove sex as motivation. A time limit seems to belie the purpose; I will have sex again when it is meaningful. Maybe I will search for true love. I don't know what any of those things mean. I don't even believe in them, but this is at least partially about getting cool with

2006-07-12T09:31:00.000-03:00

I'm thinking of taking a vow of celibacy.

2006-07-10T07:28:00.000-03:00

...not insane in the loose sense of the term but in the strict technical sense? Let it be said that one of the first symptoms of psychosis is that the person feels perhaps he is becoming psychotic. It is another Chinese fingertrap. You cannot think about it without becoming part of it. By thinking aboput madness, Horselover Fat slipped by degrees into madness.From Philip K. Dick's Valis.That's

2006-07-07T08:34:00.000-03:00

OK whatever, a few things:-I started smoking again in Brooklyn. I hadn't even realized how great I felt without this shit until I started again. Now I'm hacking up a dizzy lung. But at least I didn't stab anyone. Damage control. I'm quitting again once this weekend is done with. Don't believe me? Lick my nuts.-I had sex in an attic in Kentucky. Whoop-de-doo. I had fun. I only mention this because

2006-07-06T12:49:00.000-03:00

I guess the thing is that I just haven't really known what to do with myself since I've been back. I've always thought of myself as someone who thrives on alone time, but I'm starting to question that. Maybe I'm not the best person I could be when left to my own devices. Whatever life I've crafted for myself here seems kind of hollow right now.I feel like kind of a pussy or something because I

2006-07-03T04:04:00.000-03:00

I've never had insomnia before.Anyway, I'm home.

2006-06-21T03:02:00.000-03:00

Paranoia will destroy ya.

2006-05-22T12:39:00.000-03:00

I am the flyI am the flyI am the flyI am the flyFly in theFly in the ointMENTHow did it take me until the age of 30 to find and devour this album?

2006-05-16T07:29:00.000-03:00

For twelve years I had been trying to give up smoking. As Mark Twain said--and who does not know the remark?--"It's nothing to stop. I've quit a hundred times." I used to feel I had said it myself, for certainly I had tried on ten times ten occasions, once for a year, once for nine months, once for four months. Over and over again I gave them up, a hundred times over the years, but always I went

2006-05-14T06:57:00.000-03:00

You can only eat and masturbate so many times in a day. I'm running out of wholesome things to do.If you cut me right now, my blood would eat a hole through the floor.You know that part of an acid trip where yr coming down and it never ends? Well this is like that except it never fucking ends.

2006-05-09T09:15:00.000-03:00

I watched two movies last night. Emotional manipulation in a box. Four little years and I've lost all suspension of disbelief. Everything is either immediate and real or fake and calculated to resonate with me. I cried like six times. Real life doesn't do that to me. I think probably every single person reading this is unfamiliar with this experience.I dare you to try it. I wish I could do this

2006-05-04T10:01:00.000-03:00

I skinned my knee. I ripped and bloodied my new jeans. I got a membership and rented two films.

2006-05-01T12:05:00.000-03:00

I changed my pants. I shaved my moustache. I fried my amp.

2006-04-30T10:39:00.000-03:00

There are things that I'd like to sayBut I'm never talking to you againThere's things I'd like to phrase some wayBut I'm never talking to you againI'd put you down where you belongBut I'm never talking to you againI'd show you every way you're wrongBut I'm never talking to you againI'm never talking to you againI'm never talking to youI'm tired of wasting all my timeTrying to talk to youTalking

2006-04-29T03:58:00.000-03:00

If I don't break a string halfway through a show, I break an amp. Fuck you, life.

2006-04-27T10:46:00.000-03:00

"New Success Suite" by Roberto Sebastian Echaurren Matta:

2006-04-27T08:53:00.000-03:00

I want to learn to better channel my subconscious. It seeps and leaks and trickles. If it's gotta come out anyway, I'd rather it piss-pour down the gates than incontinently make mud puddles. Y'know? At least the mess would be be concerted.

2006-04-17T11:40:00.000-03:00

With the emergence of final and incontrovertible photographic evidence, we may now proceed to destroy the specimen with extreme prejudice.On a note unrelated to my dumb moustache, Divorce weddings are the best weddings:All my sincerest best to two of my favourite people in the world for many, many years to come.

2006-04-13T23:49:00.000-03:00

I don't know what the word is for this mood I'm in. It's not really bad, but it bugs me that I can get weird like this. It's like, calmly irrational. I guess it's good at least that I'm capable of recognizing this kind of thing in myself these days.I had set this time aside for catching up on some much-overdue correspondence, but considering that I woke up on the weird side of the bed I think

2006-04-08T07:13:00.000-03:00

Tonight! Free-form shitstorm at the batcave of crazywave.Come watch, come participate, come throw the horns and blow the whistle.

2006-04-07T09:31:00.000-03:00

Remember when my house almost burnt down? Not sure if I wrote about that here or not. Anyway, I live next door to what used to be the Creighton Street "Roach Motel" that was popular in the papers last year. I actually got along really well with the people who lived there, and never once thought of them as sketchy neighbours. I still miss the elderly couple with the perpetual yard sale.So yeah,

2006-04-04T03:32:00.000-03:00

In contrast to popular theory, I'd like to say that sometimes you don't know what's been gone until it comes back.

2006-03-27T09:55:00.000-04:00

I just played guitar for like an hour on the toilet. Totally forgot where I was.

2006-03-26T13:48:00.000-04:00

Cherubic fingers and rankling toes.

2006-03-26T11:30:00.000-04:00

I'm having one of those days where my brain seems to be trapped in an ever-tightening feedback loop of irrational self-doubt and negativity. Every thought meanders around the edge and then crumbles back in on itself. Cozy old chords seem improperly-tuned. Everything is alien and bad.I don't know why. It started out as nicely as any day ever could, and absolutely nothing bad has happened since. If

2006-03-22T11:49:00.000-04:00

Anyway, moving along...Y'know what I fucking hate? The fucking MUSIC INDUSTRY. GO FIGURE.I know, I know. Too easy. Calm down. But just TELL ME HOW TO GET A GODDMNED WORK VISA YOU GLORIFIED USED CAR SALESMAN. I DON'T WANT TO JOIN YR STUPID SHITTY UNION. I DON'T CARE HOW MANY RITA MACNEIL ALBUMS YOU PLAYED ON. I DON'T CARE THAT I CAN GET DISCOUNTS ON BOAT CRUISES. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO JOIN

2006-03-16T03:05:00.000-04:00

"You are a good-looking man," she says, cupping my Elmer Fudd/Keith's-pedophile-dude facial hair configuration in her hands, "But this... this is not good."Sorry, but it stays at least until someone takes a picture. And maybe until it is no longer a conversation piece.Oddly, I'm pretty sure she still wanted to come home with me. Women are fascinating beasts.

2006-03-14T05:21:00.000-04:00

I've decided that when I grow up I wanna be Bob Pollard. Who's with me? I really admire all you guys who are becoming librarians and moms and editors and film producers, but when this is all you know at the age of 30, what the fuck else do you do with a life?If only I could afford a 4-track.How pathetic is that.

2006-02-26T04:55:00.000-04:00

I've been awake for 34 hours. I had a fantastic Japanese meal in Canada's tiniest province, and played guitar in my underwear. Tobias and I both bought Henry Miller books for some reason. Problematic set, but I think we came out on top? No idea. Maybe I've got spoiled, but I'm thinking that when one has the chance to use monitors, one really really should. Is that too pseudo-soundspeak? Ah, fuck

2006-02-23T04:22:00.000-04:00

It's so ingrained in me that not playing it cool will get you slaughtered. I don't even notice it until after the fact. I'm conditioned to be awkwardly reserved when by nature I'm that guy who just blurts everything out. Instead I stumble over words. How will they be recieved? I hesitate and try to tailor myself. I slip into default and turn away when I want to look straight at you. Fucking

2006-02-20T06:08:00.000-04:00

Holy fuck. New Glasgow = Twin Peaks. No joke. What a nutzoid weekend.

2006-02-15T10:32:00.000-04:00

Well, the inevitable has finally happened: I went and double-booked myself for Friday. I've played more than one show with more than one band in the same night before--it's strenuous but doable. Exciting, even. But it's never been in two different cities before.Now that I've got past the initial panic attack and schemed about it a bit, I'm actually pretty sure I can make this work. I do believe